as i cry tears of shame

i’m posting this horrid fanfic of mine SOB SOB

someone should just shoot me

right now

NOTE: This is very, VERY badly written. And extremely OOC. Not to mention just immature. Also, this is taste specific. I doubt the general public would enjoy something like this xD Uh, so why am I posting this, again…?

If you read this, you might be VERY offended. So uh….you might not want to read it xD

(ONE LAST CHANCE TO STOP READING THIS. STOP. STOOOOP.)

Judai sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, the dried tear stains on his cheeks a reminder of the past storm. He sat quietly now; perfectly still and calm. It was the eye of the hurricane.

Presently he heard approaching footsteps, and he lifted his melancholic face to meet the other’s gaze, knowing that it was it was inevitable. He wanted to scowl at the tall, golden-eyed man, scream insults and show the full extent of his displeasure…but he refrained, instead remaining silent. He kept his eyes locked with the Supreme King’s.

"Judai…I’m sorry." Haou stood stiffly, making no movement to touch him. Good, Judai thought. He wouldn’t allow himself to be touched anymore by this monster. He ignored Haou’s comment and shifted his gaze, refusing to give any kind of response.

"You have to talk to me at some point," Haou insisted, growing impatient. Of course. He was selfish, greedy, and spoiled! If he didn’t get what he wanted right away, he threw a fit. Like earlier that day, for example. Judai ground his teeth, furious.

Realizing that the Osiris student was determined to be stubborn, Haou swallowed his pride enough to kneel by him. “I did not mean to take it out on you. You should understand that. It’s just that I was angry, and you were there…”

"Oh yeah, that makes it all better!" Judai suddenly spat, whirling to face him. "Look, don’t give me that crap. I’ve heard that same shitty ass excuse pass through your sorry lips a million times. I’m not going to forgive you just like that!" Then a shadow of regret fell across his face and he looked away. "At least, not anymore," he added quietly.

Haou felt uneasy. He could easily force Judai into obedience, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted genuine forgiveness; for the younger boy to look at him with warmth and love sparkling in his chocolate eyes. For the first time in his long life, he felt completely helpless to change a situation. With a sigh, he tried to convince Judai to change his mind. “It’s not something that happens often. Can we not simply look past it and move on?”

"Look past it? Do you want to pretend like you can’t see this?" the brunette shot back angrily, gesturing to his bruised arms and the cut on his face. "Do you want me to pretend like I can’t feel it? I want to give you everything, Haou, but you won’t let me! You keep pushing me away, acting cold, then mistreating me when you lose your temper! How can you expect me to love you?" Judai seemed truly frustrated at this point.

Haou took Judai’s hand in his, gently running his fingers up his bruised arms, as though trying to heal them with his mere touch. “Love is difficult concept for me…it is something I could not comprehend until I found you.” His eyes met the younger boy’s. “I still do not fully understand it. It could take me some time…but if you give up on me, there is nothing more I can do.”

Judai felt a pang of guilt, despite knowing who was truly in the wrong. “I…I wasn’t saying I was giving up on you. But you can’t learn to love properly if I let you treat me like that.” His eyes softened as he touched Haou’s face lightly.

"I am willing to try for you…" Haou lifted Judai’s hand that he was holding to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to it. Despite himself, Judai found himself blushing. He hated that Haou had him wrapped around his finger. But of course, the king had a weakness for him as well. Perhaps they were even after all.

"And I would believe you," Judai breathed, his voice barely over a whisper. "I would believe you if it wasn’t getting worse." He swallowed hard. Haou should know that Judai wasn’t the type to let himself be pushed around. Still, he was letting his lover get away with a lot more than he would tolerate from anyone else.

"It’s just stress," Haou mumbled, leaning in closer but not quite looking him in the eye. "As soon as things calm down, I’ll be able to control myself better around you."

"How long will that take?" Haou didn’t respond. He kept massaging Judai’s hand, refusing to meet his gaze. Perhaps he was ashamed. As he should be.

"I can’t wait forever."

"You won’t have to," Haou promised, stealing a kiss from his lips. He finally lifted his golden eyes to stare deeply into the other’s, his stare hypnotizing; his touch melting Judai’s iron will. "Do you trust me?"

No. Never again. Haou had proved himself untrustworthy. He was cruel to every living being, murdering the innocent, abusing his power as king. He wouldn’t be able to treat even a lover kindly. He was incapable of it. Judai would stand up for himself. He wouldn’t be treated this way. Never.

The word spilled from his lips like a drop from a glass overflowing with poison.

"Yes."

——-

*hides forever, sobbing*

  1. 5lurpuff reblogged this from suritea and added:
    badly written? BADLY WRITTEN?! DARLING THIS IS AMAZING. I really love your portrayal of Haou. I really, really do. The...
  2. suritea posted this
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